Mother F&%#K!
So this is the down side to showering with some one else, the switching. There is never enough space under the shower head for two people so you stand there freezing, or act like a pig on a spit and rotate rotisserie style under the hot water until the other person is too cold and then you have to do the kind thing and vacate the torrent of streaming hot water. Because lets face it, it's Melbourne, it's winter and its bloody cold! So there is no room for a little sexy time in the shower anymore unless you have central heating, because one of you lovely ladies will inevitably freeze while trying to get the other off. So not sexy!
Over dinner a few nights ago, Ripley and I came to the conclusion that realistically, the lesbian shower scene is so not as sexy as it is portrayed by the adult film industry. Lets look at the reality of the girl on girl shower scene shall we?
Lets discount the obvious, like the morning breath and get straight to the nitty gritty.
Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I personally think that showering with someone might just be the most personal act you can do with another person (I'm not into peeing with the door open etc... I have boundaries).
But seriously, you can't hide in the shower! Everything is out there in the open. There's no blanket for you to hide under, you cant turn the lights out (we'll get to the lighting in a second). All you have is you and another person in a semi-confined space completely buck naked and gravity is in full effect! Theres non of this "I'll just lie on my back, so she can see how my nipples point to the floor" business... Their gonna hang, there's no hiding that shit!
So your standing there, feeling all vulnerable and saggy under fluorescent lighting! Does this help? I think not! Fluorescent lights are not flattering to anyone! All of your flaws are illuminated, the shadows accentuating every flap, fold and inch of hail damage on your behind. Not a comforting thought.
So before we get to the down and dirty stuff (it's coming, I promise. Yup, I'm gonna go there) lets talk about getting clean.
I dont know about you, but I have a million cleaning products! There's a scrub for your face, a face cleanser, a scrub for your body, a body cleanser, body gel, shampoo, conditioner, hair treatment, loofa, toothpaste etc. God help you if you have housemates and then you have to cram all of their products into the shower as well. My point, is that if your having shower time with someone, and you actually need to use the shower for practical purposes while your lady lover is present.. thats not exactly sexy and can take forever! You use the loofa, she uses the loofa, face cleanser for her, some for you etc. Ok, the you wash my back and I'll wash your back part is cute but then you need to shave your legs, and wash your bits and pieces... not sexy.
And I mean, what happens if you get soap in your eyes? The stinging and the oh so attractive scrunched up face! Say good-bye to your lady lover's lady-wood then and there. Speaking of washing your face... I don't know about the rest of you, but I wear a lot of makeup, so lets talk about the panda eyes. Have you ever jumped in the shower with your shower buddy, got all clean, then dirty... thought you were oh so sexy with your "Come hither so I can have you" eyes, then looked at yourself in the mirror afterward and realised you look like a Panda form the zoo? Clitty-Boner... Gone!
Now your both clean and fresh, providing there's still any hot water left its generally time to get a little dirty.
Scenario: Your shower buddy grabs your waist and pushes against the tiles so that she can have her way with you under the cascading fountain of water. Is your first thought "Oh my god! This is such a turn on"? No. Your first thought is "Holy fucking shit! The tiles are freezing! Don't move! Just don't ruin it!"
And what about your ever devoted and talented lady lover? What's going through her mind as she's on her knees diving for clams? Is it "Fuck she's so sexy! She feels amazing!"? No. She kneeling there, thinking to herself "Must not drown. Just don't breath. Just hold your breath and don't drown."
All I'm going to say is that if she doesn't drown and you get highly sought after steamy moment of ecstasy, you better hope there's some hot water left by the time she's done. Because if that were me, and I put in all that effort not drowning just for you, I'd be wanting some cold tile action of my own.
Temperature, lighting, cleansing and impracticality of sexual moments aside, there is something extremely intimate and special about sharing a shower with someone. Getting to see that other person, so vulnerable and exposed, know that you are trusted that much and trusting them in return, it's nice to have that kind of connection.
That, and when the tiles aren't cold... even when they are, shower sex is amazing.
So my sapphic sisters get a little wet, get a little soapy and move over... It;s my turn under the shower.
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