Bisexual women and dating

VAL

Tips on dating a bisexual woman

Dating a bi-sexual lady? Want to? Not sure how to go about it? Is there something you should know? Is there a secret? Well, here are my Top 5 Tips on dating a bisexual woman. Don’t worry, it’s not as scary as you think…

5. A relationship with a bisexual woman is not doomed from the start.
I have heard that a lot of lesbians share the belief that a long-term relationship with a woman who defines herself as bisexual, is non-existent. A bisexual lady is only here for fun. This belief is also followed with "She'll only leave you for a guy!". Now, this may be true for some bisexual ladies, but not all. I’ve dated a bi-sexual girl for nearly eight years now and she is bisexual. If this isn't a long-term relationship, I don't know what is! Added to this, IF she does in fact break it off with you to date a guy, it’s no fault of your own (you’re not THAT bad, ok?). The fact is, she might just be scared to make her same-sex relationship public? We’re not QUITE there yet when it comes to equal rights and sometimes people find it easier to stay on the easier side of the creek… don’t take it to heart. If that's what she wants to do, I guess that's her loss at the end of the day. If she has serious feelings, she'll sure feel them and come back to you... eventually...

4. Bisexual girls appear in all shapes and sizes.
No longer are bisexual girls just the 'straight-looking' girl with long flowing hair, fake nails and tight mini-skirt with sky-high heels. Bisexual girls are as diverse as the common lesbian; dykey, butch, girlie, tomboy, boyish, feminine, etc.! (the list really does keep going). Also, don’t assume that a feminine lesbian is actually bi… In fact, don’t assume, full stop. In fact, quick side story, I once knew a chick who was very butch, hated anything remotely feminine, and i'm pretty sure she came on to my girlfriend at the time more than once... Last week, BAM, saw her with a dude and she's been with him for near four years... I assumed she was gay, which is very naughty of me, but in my defense my gaydar said she was gay. Not my fault it was on the blink! Or... maybe she's bi?...hmmm.... Moral of the story, don't assume because unless someone has told you their sexual orientation, you'll never know for sure who they're into.

3. Bisexual does not = SLUT!

Queer & Bisexual Ladies

Again, this may not apply to all bisexual ladies, but just because she identifies as bisexual does not mean that she has been around the block more times than a cop-car on patrol. It doesn’t mean she’s easy, it doesn’t mean she only wants to have sex, it doesn’t mean anything… apart from it means she likes men AND women. Some women might be a little more … shall we say… active… when they’re bisexual… but come on, I’ve seen plenty of “active” straight men and women, too! Don’t discount her for her activities. Oh and on just another note… If she’s been with guys before you, the last thing you should do is dwell on her past relationships. Don’t ask her about the guys unless you really want to know. Honestly.

2. Bisexual girls aren't dating you to get male attention.
Pretty self-explanatory, but 'real' (I say 'real' because I know some girls who identify as bisexual but really they'll only kiss a girl and will never, ever have a relationship or have sex with a girl… ever... I mean an actual bisexual girl who will do all the above with both sexes) bisexual girls are in a relationship with you because they like you, not to get that weird, gross, sleazy attention from men in bars... *shudder* You know what I mean.. the sneering glassy eyes of lust and grossness accompanied by a smile that doesn’t mean happy… it means horny… blughh!!

And finally......

1. Accept that she is attracted to men as well!
It may be odd to you. It may seem weird. It may feel like they are just unsure of who they are so they're with a girl... But the fact of the matter is, she will be attracted to men as well as women. That's why she's bisexual! Some lesbians have issues with bisexual girls loving both the taco and the sausage, but accept it. Some people like eating fish one day, then bratwurst the next. Some will even marry a salami for years, never get sick of it, but then want to have a tuna sandwich for a while. That’s ok. Some go the other way and are “gay” for years, then start dating a guy… We don’t need to label her a “Hasbian” for that one, either. But, keep calm, it’s all good. If you’re dating a bisexual lass, she's with you right now, right?

Bisexual Girl

All I’m saying is that it’s ok to be bisexual. It’s ok to look like whatever you want if you’re bisexual too, the same way it’s ok if you’re gay, lesbian, queer or however you identify! I know when I first came out, I came out as bisexual because I naively thought that I didn't fit the lesbian stereotype, so I mustn't have been a COMPLETE lesbo… I MUST have been bi… yeah… that makes complete sense (ha!). But, even though so many of us are worried and avoid bisexual ladies as much as possible, we avoid the stress, the issues and the thoughts of her going back to the D, you've got to admit there’s something alluring about a bi lady… You know?... No?... I know there’s someone out there who knows… So, all in all, have fun, enjoy the ride, expect the wonderful, weird and wacky and love her for who she is!

For more information, visit www.lotl.com.

This article appears in the Web Articles 2013 issue of LOTL

Did you like what you read here? Subscribe to LOTL