During: The Coming Out Trilogy

So, if you’ve been reading these out of order blogs about when I came out, you’ll know that I started miserable, moved to a new city, grabbed myself a fresh start and was having some fairly convincing thoughts about being maybe just a little bit gay. You’ll know that the aftermath of coming out has been great, although very much pummeled by the sadness that comes from being crossed of the Christmas list of some dear friends, who cannot tolerate my sexuality.

But what about the during?

I don’t want people to think that I made the call to “come out” lightly. When I came out, I was single: I didn’t come out because I was in a relationship, nor did I come out to fit in with the latest trend sweeping the planet.

I did it because it was time to be OK with myself.

I had a couple of concerns, of course – mainly, would my flatmate think I had been perving on her? Would I have to start loving KD Lang? Would I stop wearing deodorant and tending to essential leg and armpit grooming?

None of these things happened.

For the most part, the news was received with a response of “Yep, ok… You’re only just realising?” Seriously. Everyone seemed to know well before I did.

It is worth recounting the conversation I had with my Dad, though. I’d stopped in at his place with the aim of talking to him about it. He wasn’t home, so I wrote him a note and headed to see my sister. I was at the end of the road when he rang…

DAD: Kels why didn’t you ring me when you were here, I was just on the farm.

ME: I don’t know, Dad.

DAD: Well let’s chat now on the phone. How long are you in Sydney for?

ME: Um, I kind of wanted to speak to you in person. I’ve got something to tell you.

DAD: Oh God, you’re not pregnant are you?

ME: No Dad… Kind of the opposite actually…

DAD: You’re becoming a nun?

ME: Noooo… It’s just that I wanted to tell you that I’ve been dating someone. They’re honest and loving and gentle and funny and committed to me.

DAD: Oh. Well that’s good.

ME: Yep… and they are female.

DAD: WHAT??? Kellie! This is going to be a bit of a scandal, we’ve never had one of these in the family before!

ME: I think Dad that people are just going to be happy that I’m happy…

DAD: Well I am. It’s just a bit of a shock. So tell me about this girl..

This was also the year that Dad got his first girlfriend after Mum died. I asked him when my girlfriend could meet his girlfriend. He giggled. I giggled. All was well.

The very vast majority of people have been supportive. Mostly, it comes under the “We’re just so glad you are finally happy” umbrella. I’ve met new people, experienced a whole range of adventures, and essentially, got my life back.

There have been hugely negative responses. From not-so-brave “unfriendings” on Facebook through to openly disgusted emails, I’ve been really devastated to experience judgement, social snubs and the end of some long term friendships.

Regrets?

Nah.

Is life a bed of roses now? 

Nope. 

But I’m happy to be alive, and that is a hell of a lot better than where I was before I came out. 

Life sometimes does contain traces of shit. Sometimes it’s a total shit storm. 

But if you want to be alive, and can keep looking forward to the next day, then I figure that means that you’re experiencing a pretty level and normal range of emotions and life events.

I’ve learned stuff, too: that if I was in America, I would not be allowed to carry on a Cub Scout leader. That in Australia, I’m not allowed to get married. I’ve learned that there are beautiful people in all sexualities and beliefs and genders.That being gay opens a whole new range of jokes and opportunities for crossing the line.

And so, life keeps trundling along.

That’s it for the trilogy, by the way. There are no hidden episodes, no extra stories, no surprise come back tours.

Promise.

But there will always be another blog, another day…

A history of us

A documentation of LGBT history.

LAURA

Gay & Lesbian History

A new three-year project is to record the life stories of gay and lesbian Australians in the first comprehensive nation-wide documentation of changing attitudes to homosexuality.

The Past in the Present: Australian Lesbian and Gay Life Stories, a joint study by Macquarie University and the National Library Australia, will record the life stories of 60 gay and lesbian people from all walks of life in various parts of Australia. The taped interviews will be lodged with the National Library.

Chief investigator, Associate Professor Robert Reynolds of Macquarie University, says the interviews are critically important in documenting a neglected area of Australian history.

Reynolds says social attitudes towards lesbian and gay individuals have undergone a remarkable transformation over the past 50 years.

 “While now we debate gay marriage it was only a few decades ago that the majority of Australians thought male-to-male sexual activity should not be decriminalised,” Reynolds said.

The collection of taped interviews will provide a unique insight into how individuals negotiate intimate social change.

Contemporary studies have shown that gay and lesbian people are more likely to experience abuse and violence, more likely to commit suicide and have poorer health than other members of the community.

“The project will give ordinary gay and lesbian Australians of all ages a voice—they will tell the human story of a socially marginalised group,” Reynolds said.

Reynolds said his research team was now calling for volunteers to take part in the project.

“We are looking for every day, ordinary people who would like to tell us their story, who would like to be a part of this important record of gay and lesbian life,” he said. “We want people from all across Australia, including those who were born in Australia and those who were born overseas, those who live in rural locations, those who live in suburbs and those who live in cities.”

The interviews will be conducted by historians from Macquarie University, the University of Queensland and the University of Melbourne.

Interested individuals can view the project in detail and fill in an expression of interest form on its website at:  www.lotl.com. 

This article appears in the Web Articles 2013 issue of LOTL
Did you like what you read here? Subscribe to LOTL »

A Bush Wedding

Lesbian couple Natalie and Kerry celebrate their love

MELISSA HALLIDAY

Photo by Jess Palmer

A heartwarming story of love found on the net and celebrated in the bush...

Kerry and Natalie met on RSVP several years ago. At the time Natalie had a night shift job so finding time when they could be together was a real challenge at first. However they got over that hurdle; and the laughter, fun and real connection they shared meant that a gradual friendship turned into genuine love, trust and respect for each other. It was again the net where Kerry Facebooked Natalie’s Mum to ask for her daughter’s hand! Their talking cocketiel Comet had already given his consent with a “Hello Baby!”

The proposal was notable and hilarious because they were in Vegas with family and friends and Kerry had planned to pop the question at a revolving restaurant (The Stratosphere) but Natalie had gone on a death defying ride and Kerry was needing incontinence pads thinking that there may be no one to pop the question too! When Natalie finally returned alive she blurted out, “Will you marry me” and Natalie who is never lost for words shouted some unprintable expletives and then was unable to speak for the next hour with the shock!

Given how precious family and friends are to them both, they chose to have a weekend of celebrations at the great bush setting of Glengarry, a Girl Guides NSW property up at North Turramurra in Sydney where all guests could stay and chill or party all weekend and both families could get to know each other in a relaxed setting that the girls could afford. It also offered a peaceful outdoor ‘bush cathedral’ where the kookaburras acted as the laughing choir, much to everyone’s delight and amusement!

The ceremony began with four young relatives, each with a hand drawn sign announcing, “Here” “Comes” “The” “Brides” and included the beautiful reading from Corinthians on Love read by Natalie’s grandmother Loretta. It also cleverly incorporated key family members who came up to participate in a Handfasting ceremony using coloured cords: red for love, strength and courage.... blue for trust, stability and peace, green- representing life ,fertility and health and yellow for happiness, hope and luck.

Their commitment ceremony was co-crafted with the help of well known LOTL celebrant Melissa Halliday at Heart and Soul Celebrations and was an honest and heartwarming reflection of their relationship and love.

They decided to share sacred Pledges with each other that neither had shared until that moment and which added a spontaneous element to the ceremony. Their Vows made to each other included a simple “I DO” to the question, “ Do you take [Kerry/Natalie] to be your partner-in-life. Will you love and respect her, be honest with her and stand by her, through whatever life may hold so you can genuinely share your life together?”

And although the YES had been made in the heart of each, years before that day, the opportunity to declare it in front of friends and family was a transformational moment for each of them that cemented their commitment in a way nothing else could. Long Live Love!